Razzle Dazzle, Schmazzle Fazzle

So, we have the lucky fortune of going to the theatre fairly regularly. We love it. The lights, the acting, the music, the dancing…it’s all good. What we’ve found is not so good is the stuff that happens surrounding the show. It seems as though some theatre-goers haven’t quite gotten the memo on the etiquette necessary for a night on the Great White Way. While some may consider this a rant, we prefer to think of it as a gentle reminder.

Cell phones – This seems pretty basic and for the most part, people are quite forgiving of an occasional slip of the ring. However, if your phone rings during a theatre production, please be advised that anything short of a desperate scramble to locate and silence your phone will result in glaring looks from those around you.

Snoring – It’s happened to the best of us. The theatre you’re in is dark, it’s warm, the actors are doing their best northern English accent turning their words into a melodic lullaby, and you…just…close…your …eyes…for…a…moment. Yup, you’re out. No crime there. However, breaking out into full honking snore definitely pushes the boundaries of acceptability. Our suggestion? Always go to the theatre with someone who is not afraid to jab you in the ribs.

Wrappers – Do not crinkle wrappers in the theatre. Ever. Period. It’s annoying.

Inappropriate Clapping – Why should people clap at the theatre? Because they like what they see or like what they hear on stage. But, it seems like some people just clap to…clap. As though a Pavlovian response to the end of a scene. We think that you should follow the sage advice of one of our favorite songs - “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” Otherwise, keep it quiet.

Standing Ovations – This leads us into our biggest pet peeve - the standing ovation. We’d like to suggest that a standing ovation is not required every evening at the theatre. A radical thought, we realize, but a true one. We’re not saying they shouldn’t happen, because we have been known to jump to our feet to honor an amazing performance. But does it have to occur with every show, every night? We think not. Let’s reclaim the standing O, people. Restore it to its former glory. Save it for the nights when you are positive the show or the performer on stage is just inches from their Tony nomination.

‘Nuff said.