Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Congestion Question

As New Yorkers who are forced to battle for road space on daily basis, we can totally get behind Mayor Bloomberg’s plan to implement a congestion fee for Manhattan. Yes, we’re totally thinking from that special place we go to when we are stuck in midtown, rush-hour traffic in the back of a taxi with no air conditioning. So, in an effort to “say something when we see something,” we’ve come up with some alternative plans to help ease congestion. We don’t want to give away all of our secrets before we meet with the Mayor (which we’re convinced will happen any day now), but here are a couple of highlights from the list:
  • Replace all taxis with hover-craft style vehicles that fly through the city

  • Ban shoes on all city sidewalks, and mandate roller-skates as the city’s required footwear

  • Replace the Department of Motor Vehicles with training and licensing classes on magical apparition, taught by the esteemed Professors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

  • Replace sidewalks in NYC with moving escalators, and allow NYC cops to arrest anyone who does not adhere strictly to the custom of standing on the right, passing on the left

  • All drivers will vie for entrance into the city with a series of competitive challenges at checkpoints, including those blow-up sumo wrestling get-ups…those just crack us up…

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